I don’t know where I stand in people’s lives. One minute they treat me like I’m someone special, then nothing the next.
yea, i make mistakes. Its because im human.
I’ve finally come to realize that i have anger issues. That’s why my entire life, I’ve done my best to simply avoid drama. If i can nip the issue in the bud before it really gets to me, then its very easy for me to move in. Not all issues though can be solved that easily. The second anything gets out of hand, my blood starts to boil, and once that happens i have no control. I make harsh, rash decisions that don’t in any way help myself or the opposition, but cut the issue itself off. I see now that it stems from my dad, because every memory of him i have includes anger on his part. But i see it in my older sister as well. I’ve done everything i could to attempt to not resemble him, but all my efforts are clearly for none. I dunno. I look at what i do for people, push what i have on my plate aside so i can help with them, go out of my way to find them a better path, and i have this idea that its gonna be the same when it comes back around. Human instinct proves otherwise though, the “strive to survive” pushes people to fend for themselves, not knowing what gets knocked down around them. When i see this, i just get so frustrated. My band is ample enough of an example. Well, its not my band anymore. I got so irritated with the smallest things after building frustration for so long, and i just up and quit. Its not what i wanted, its not what they wanted, it just came out. I didn’t even realize what i had done until i walked away from the conversation. I regret it with everything i am. As much as the guys frustrate me, i love them to death. I wanna go back, i want to ask them to take me back. The feeling of now being a complete asshole though prevents me. I need to find a solution to this anger, and outlet, an escape. Something, someone, please save me
